Should you ever take it upon yourself to touch my hair? No. No, you should not. But we’ve done our due diligence (and research) to determine ten times when it’s more than appropriate. Let us know if you agree.
1. When you’re washing it. I mean, obvi.
2. When you accidentally graze it because you were shielding my crown from SOMEONE ELSE attempting to touch it. Thanks.
3. When I’ve tripped on the sidewalk and you see that I’m about to land face first, so you grab a chunk of hair to pull me up. We don’t have time for scars.
4. When I’ve invited you into my loving bed. Even then, you should still ask.
5. When you’re Beyonce. Or Oprah. Or Idris Elba. Or Michelle Obama. Or any cast member of Black Panther.
6. When you want to stuff a check for one million dollars into it. Weird way to do it, but cool.
7. When I’ve died and gone to glory, and you’re the mortician who’s been tasked with giving me my final resting two-strand twist.
8. When I’ve gotten too close to my favorite Volupsa candle and my kinks have set ablaze. Please use alkaline water and a satin blanket to smother the flames.
9. When hair serums have chemically turned against us, making curls come to life and attempt to strangle their owners. Even then, be gentle.
10. When it’s the end of the world and the touch of my tresses is the only thing on earth that can sustain human life. Through your gasps, still ask.